fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
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Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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