I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
