I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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