Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
did you just send me my own nude
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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