do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I deserve this hangover.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
