How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
