I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
