He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
