you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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