Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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