We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
