When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
