In the future we'll all be gay
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder meâ€
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
