please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
