I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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