This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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