mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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