Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
