I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
