I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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