Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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