They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
