what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
even my farts smell like vagina
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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