I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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