I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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