my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
