Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
My dad is sitting where you rode me
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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