im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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