Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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