but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
