I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
