I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
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He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize