Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
