i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
