dude i'm inner monologue high
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
