It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You need a sexual gate keeper
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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