Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
