i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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