And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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