You're so nebulous sometimes
someone owes me an orgasm
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I think my moral compass just broke
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
