He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
