i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
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we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
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Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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