Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Randomize
