I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
