Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
