I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
