remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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