I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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