I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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