my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
