are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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