haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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