I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
nutella sex= disaster
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
