In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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