im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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