Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
