so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
