I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
