Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
