I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Randomize
