Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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