Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
