Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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