what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
