He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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