Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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