I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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