We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
