I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
