yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
