I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
