i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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