I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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